3D
Content 6/10
Organisation 6/10
Language Use 5/10
1. “I am the highly analytical, detail-oriented and hard-working person I have superior technical and scientific abilities.”
- Too many descriptive words
- Sentence structure
- Punctuation
- Repetitive
2. “Of course, developed devices then require testing of the prototypes, which I carry out in the
laboratory to ensure they are function proper.”
- Tone
- Sentence structure
3. “I enjoy working as a mechanical engineer. Because I find it gratifying to be able to solve complex problems.”
- Connecting words
4. No examples
- There should be relevant examples to support his strengths
5. “I would like to schedule an interview”
- Use words that allows the reader to make the decision
6. He uses multiple of “I”s.
7. Structure / organization of the letter:
- Subject (Put in the role that he wants to apply instead of job application)
- Sincerely (Should be comma for consistency)
- Signing off (not a need to put address)
3E
Content 6/10
Organisation 7/10
Language Use 7/10
- Content is too long winded and no factual statements to support his proposal.
- Numbers
- Dates
- Costs
2. Last paragraph should be one sentence eg. “Your consideration of my proposal is greatly appreciated”
3. Addition of enclosure: “Enclosure: Proposal”
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